Immaculate Conception

So, we have Mary, an unsuspecting young woman, who gets the surprise of a lifetime when an angel swoops in to announce that she’s going to be pregnant. Because when you believe in christ-insanity, spirits just appear from the ether and impregnate a human being, right? That’s how biology works—who needs science when you have divine intervention?

And let’s not forget Joseph—the most famous cuckold in history! Picture it: he’s married to Mary, she is a virgin, when she drops the bombshell about her miraculous pregnancy. Can you imagine his reaction? “Oh, great! So I’m just supposed to believe that? No big deal!” Here’s Joseph, a nice guy just trying to do the right thing, suddenly thrust into a situation where he’s raising someone else’s kid—who also happens to be the Son of God. That’s some serious dedication!

Now, let’s add a cherry on top of this divine sundae: the whole virgin birth thing isn’t exactly unique to Christianity! Other religions have their own versions too—because why not spread the joy of miraculous conceptions around? It’s almost like divine births were a trend! So, while Mary gets all the spotlight, there are plenty of other cultures out there with their own stories of miraculous births. Talk about a crowded stage!

And then, of course, there’s the burning question: did the spirit and Mary do more than just have a casual encounter? I mean, was the foreplay? Did she go down on him? Does a spirit even have a penis? What exactly went down during that divine visit? Was this a quickie or did they enjoy their time together? It’s hard not to wonder! Imagine the conversations: “So, did anything else happen besides the whole ‘you’re going to be pregnant’ thing?” It adds a whole new layer to the story, doesn’t it – Mary must have developed quite a reputation for being “easy”!

But wait, let’s dig even deeper! Why was Mary a virgin if she was married? Was Joseph just incredibly naive? Was he impotent? Or dare we ask—was he gay? Because if he was, that would certainly explain a lot! I mean, here’s this guy in a marriage that seems to lack the usual marital activities, and suddenly he’s thrust into the role of a stepfather to the Son of God. Talk about an unexpected twist in his life!

Imagine trying to explain that one at a dinner party: “Oh, how did you conceive? Well, you see, a spirit came to me in a vision and, poof! Baby Jesus!” Surely, everyone at the table would nod in understanding, because that’s the most relatable experience ever!